3.20.2013

ready or not.

image // 1canoe2

hello, and welcome to my abandoned blog. while you were away, I wrote a stream of consciousness post re: our future. spring. so many people view spring as a time to clean the house out, get rid of the winter cobwebs and start new.
start fresh.

we are like so many of those people. our starting new and fresh exists not only with our house (which desperately needs some tender loving care) but our life. our jobs. our careers.
 where we go from student teaching/graduation.
 what's the next step?
 where's the job?
 what will I be doing?
 where are Chad, Amanda, Leo and Karma going to live?
 and how many people are going to be affected by our decision?

 those are just some of the constant questions that are churning and turning around in my head. and giving me constant anxiety in the deep down pit of my stomach. I have finally discovered the flaw in myself -- I'm too in my head. over-thinking and constant questioning of my decisions are my middle names. why I do this, I don't know. I think it has something to do with my caring heart. I care too much about how my decisions affect my family and I care too much about what people think about our decisions.

i have been repeating a mantra to myself the past month.

whatever happens, God's in charge.

I say that whenever I'm over-thinking and over-analyzing what we are going to do with our life now that our time to start our life is finally here. driving in the car, at the gym, at the shower, washing the dishes, browsing employment sites online.

getting through this head space and figuring out what we are going to do with what God gives us will be the biggest mental accomplishment of Amanda Hestekin to date.

ending student teaching, graduating and getting a job?
jumping off the edge of the cliff? 

 ready or not, here we go... :)

1 comment:

*claire* said...

glad to see you back. i can totally relate with the constant questioning - there are so many decisions that i just cannot seem to make - and waffle back and forth minute by minute as to which way i should go.

best of luck with your trusting and jumping :)

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