image // 1canoe2
we are like so many of those people. our starting new and fresh exists not only with our house (which desperately needs some tender loving care) but our life. our jobs. our careers.
where we go from student teaching/graduation.
what's the next step?
where's the job?
what will I be doing?
where are Chad, Amanda, Leo and Karma going to live?
and how many people are going to be affected by our decision?
those are just some of the constant questions that are churning and turning around in my head. and giving me constant anxiety in the deep down pit of my stomach. I have finally discovered the flaw in myself -- I'm too in my head. over-thinking and constant questioning of my decisions are my middle names. why I do this, I don't know. I think it has something to do with my caring heart. I care too much about how my decisions affect my family and I care too much about what people think about our decisions.
i have been repeating a mantra to myself the past month.
whatever happens, God's in charge.
I say that whenever I'm over-thinking and over-analyzing what we are going to do with our life now that our time to start our life is finally here. driving in the car, at the gym, at the shower, washing the dishes, browsing employment sites online.
getting through this head space and figuring out what we are going to do with what God gives us will be the biggest mental accomplishment of Amanda Hestekin to date.
ending student teaching, graduating and getting a job?
jumping off the edge of the cliff?
ready or not, here we go... :)